Brain the DJ

Dear Brain:

You really are a wondrous thing. When I wake in the morning, I'm amazed by how you are already hard at work playing songs for my entertainment... over and over and over. I do appreciate the effort to keep my morning routine colorful, really I do, but could I maybe make a few suggestions?

#1: It isn't necessary to take your inspiration from conversations that I had days (or even weeks) ago. For instance, the other morning you were playing "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith. I was baffled until I realized that four days earlier, Adam and I had talked about how hot Liv Tyler looks in Lord of the Rings and it's no wonder that she's been crowned queen of the geeks. I'm impressed that you connected Liv Tyler to her dad, Stephen Tyler, the band's lead singer (you don't usually have a knack for music trivia), but couldn't you have picked a better song? "Dream On" or "Walk This Way" or something? Then the tune won't have to be accompanied by flashes of "Armageddon". It was all so distracting that I was almost completely unable to make it out the door that morning.

#2: Please choose songs you remember the lyrics to - not just those in the song's title. Last week, Lizzie and I discussed how long Beyonce has been on the music scene. Now this morning you're playing "Say My Name". You and I do not know the lyrics to "Say My Name". This turns into a song that sounds like "Say my name, say my name! If no one is around you, mermernermer mer mer, mer mer mer running games!" And that's just the chorus! The verses are completely indecipherable. This does not make for a very satisfying musical experience.

#3: I know some excerpts from songs are more interesting than others, but that doesn't not mean they need to be played on a loop. "P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face!" on repeat for three and a half hours tends to grate on anyone who does not have anterograde amnesia or a Lady Gaga fetish. I have neither.


Again, I appreciate all of your efforts to supply me with an interesting soundtrack and I'm sure with a few minor adjustments I will have no need to smash my skull into a wall repeatedly until I destroy us both.

Kisses,

Jessica